P.S. Things will never stay the way you want them to. Life moves on. It's good at that. Almost unbearably so.
Sometimes, all it seems you’re left with are memories. The way you used to hold someone as though you would never let them go. Except you did.
You did let them go.
You can barely remember the feel of their skin on yours. You’ve laundered the smell of them out of your clothes and bed sheets. You can't even hear the echo of their voice murmuring your name anymore.
The tears that once flowed freely down your face have long dried.
All that seems to remain is a sense of guilt and betrayal gnawing at your heart. Not that you feel like you've betrayed them. No. You've betrayed yourself, your ideals of ... of forever. It's ridiculous.
But what else did you expect? That you'd carry around the grief like a millstone around your neck? Walk through life burdening the consequences of someone else’s decisions?
Please. Don't be ridiculous. You've grown up. Or at least that's what they tell you.
Then again, there was something almost romantic in it. In the way you were so certain you'd never feel alive again. But it's like that quote in that Oscar Wilde book you never quite understood as a child; "romance is dead".
And yet you endured.
Found a way to navigate through life in all its impermanence.
And now, it’s time to take a moment to say goodbye.
You’ve carried this around for a long time now. Acknowledge it and how it shaped you, then let it go. Allow yourself to feel that release and relax for a moment.
Then move on and leave it in the past.
R S Kendle
R S Kendle is a poet and writer from the north-east of Scotland. They hold a BA Honours in English Literature and Politics from the University Of Strathclyde. Their work has been featured in several anthologies and digital publications, including Feminist Space Camp, Free Verse Revolution, and The Winged Moon. They are also an editor for Mxogyny’s digital site. Follow them on Instagram @rskendle.
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